Mephisto discusses the DPRK with Faust (North Korea)
Mephisto : Ah, dear Faust, there you are, I've been looking for you.
Faust : Have you dear colleague, well, here I am. What is troubling you?
M : I was wondering if you had had any thoughts about North Korea?
F : Well, yes, as it happens, I have. Do you think they genuinely tested a nuclear weapon?
M : Stranger things have happened dear Faust, stranger things have happened.
F : Yes, but isn't it just possible that the explosion was caused by something other than nuclear weapons?
M : Yes, dear colleague, indeed it is. But you'd need an awful lot of hand grenades to make that kind of impact above ground.
F : Indeed. Possibly we should be grateful that they have not attempted atmospheric testing?
M : Indeed we should dear Faust. But what do you think we should do?
F : Us, dear Mephisto? I wasn't aware we were going to do anything at all.
M : No, no, I mean how should we, as the international community, respond to this act of blatant naughtiness by a recalcitrant nation?
F : In the way we always do I suppose. Some finger wagging?
M : Yes, indeed, indeed. But there is one little problem with finger wagging.
F : And what is that dear Mephisto?
M : Well, you see dear colleague, it achieves very little. Have you perchance seen the draft UN resolution which was drawn up today by the Americans?
F : Why no, I can't say I have dear Mephisto. What does it say?
M : It's not so much what it says dear colleague, I am more concerned about the use of Chapter 7.
F : Chapter 7?
M : The agreement that military force may be used if conditions are not complied with.
F : Ah, I see. But no country is really going to use military force against the DPRK surely?
M : Stranger things have happened dear Faust. May I tell you something in confidence?
F : Surely you may, please go right ahead.
M : The DPRK have, at this moment in time, a weapon capable of reaching Alaska in one fell swoop.
F : A nuclear weapon?
M : Well, no, probably not, but a conventional weapon certainly.
F : Why don't they have one with nuclear capability, after all, we know they have them now?
M : Reducing the size of nuclear warheads is something which takes time dear Faust. They could have had a nuclear weapon the size of a large house underground yesterday when they caused their explosion. You couldn't fit a large house on the end of a long-range weapon.
F : No, no, I can quite see that. Might I ask why, then, did you mention that they have a weapon which could reach Alaska?
M : Becuase this will upset the American public dear Faust, if they ever find out of course.
F : Making the use of the chapter 7 backing possible?
M : Ah, dear colleague, I see you are keeping up this morning, yes, exactly, quite, quite.
F : Perhaps such a resolution will make Kim Jong-Il pause for a moment and consider the sensibility of his actions?
M : Stranger things have happened dear Faust but consider the possibilities. How long would it take him to flatten Seoul if he felt so disposed?
F : I'm really not sure dear friend.
M : Ten minutes? Half an hour? It couldn't be more than an hour surely. And then what of China?
F : China is also a nuclear weapon possessor.
M : Indeed, indeed. However South Korea and Japan are not.
F : Yes, I do understand that but, up until yesterday there were only seven nuclear possessing nations dear Mephisto.
M : And who, my dear colleague, were they?
F : Why, the answer to that is simple. They were the USA, the UK, Russia, China, Pakistan, India and France.
M : I fear you have miscalculated dear colleague. The DPRK were in fact the NINTH nation to acquire a nuclear weapon capability.
F : Then which nation is the eighth?
M : Israel.
F : Ah, yes, now I'm beginning to see. Would it be possible to launch a military attack on the DPRK?
M : An air attack and a naval blockade may be possible, a land attack would be absolutely impossible.
F : I see. And is there enough strategic and logistical military power to convene an air and sea attack?
M : I rather fear there is dear colleague.
F : Well, then, the answer seems obvious dear Mephisto.
M : Might I ask you to enlighten me as to the answer dear Faust, I, myself am more than a little stuck with this question.
F : Why, of course you might, dear Mephisto. The American public MUST be told about the weapon that could reach Alaska, and they must be told soon. Don't forget the mid-term elections are coming up and something needs to distract the electorate from Foley, Iraq and other such irrelevancies.
M : I see your idea dear Faust. But I wonder if the American public will swallow this one?
F : I bet you ten pounds they do dear colleague.
M : Make it twenty and you have yourself a gentleman's bet dear Faust, shall we shake on it?
F : Yes, let's. I am feeling rather thirsty now dear Mephisto, I shall put the kettle on. Earl Grey or Ty-Phoo, which would you prefer?
M : Ah, I shall leave the choice up to you my dear friend.
Faust : Have you dear colleague, well, here I am. What is troubling you?
M : I was wondering if you had had any thoughts about North Korea?
F : Well, yes, as it happens, I have. Do you think they genuinely tested a nuclear weapon?
M : Stranger things have happened dear Faust, stranger things have happened.
F : Yes, but isn't it just possible that the explosion was caused by something other than nuclear weapons?
M : Yes, dear colleague, indeed it is. But you'd need an awful lot of hand grenades to make that kind of impact above ground.
F : Indeed. Possibly we should be grateful that they have not attempted atmospheric testing?
M : Indeed we should dear Faust. But what do you think we should do?
F : Us, dear Mephisto? I wasn't aware we were going to do anything at all.
M : No, no, I mean how should we, as the international community, respond to this act of blatant naughtiness by a recalcitrant nation?
F : In the way we always do I suppose. Some finger wagging?
M : Yes, indeed, indeed. But there is one little problem with finger wagging.
F : And what is that dear Mephisto?
M : Well, you see dear colleague, it achieves very little. Have you perchance seen the draft UN resolution which was drawn up today by the Americans?
F : Why no, I can't say I have dear Mephisto. What does it say?
M : It's not so much what it says dear colleague, I am more concerned about the use of Chapter 7.
F : Chapter 7?
M : The agreement that military force may be used if conditions are not complied with.
F : Ah, I see. But no country is really going to use military force against the DPRK surely?
M : Stranger things have happened dear Faust. May I tell you something in confidence?
F : Surely you may, please go right ahead.
M : The DPRK have, at this moment in time, a weapon capable of reaching Alaska in one fell swoop.
F : A nuclear weapon?
M : Well, no, probably not, but a conventional weapon certainly.
F : Why don't they have one with nuclear capability, after all, we know they have them now?
M : Reducing the size of nuclear warheads is something which takes time dear Faust. They could have had a nuclear weapon the size of a large house underground yesterday when they caused their explosion. You couldn't fit a large house on the end of a long-range weapon.
F : No, no, I can quite see that. Might I ask why, then, did you mention that they have a weapon which could reach Alaska?
M : Becuase this will upset the American public dear Faust, if they ever find out of course.
F : Making the use of the chapter 7 backing possible?
M : Ah, dear colleague, I see you are keeping up this morning, yes, exactly, quite, quite.
F : Perhaps such a resolution will make Kim Jong-Il pause for a moment and consider the sensibility of his actions?
M : Stranger things have happened dear Faust but consider the possibilities. How long would it take him to flatten Seoul if he felt so disposed?
F : I'm really not sure dear friend.
M : Ten minutes? Half an hour? It couldn't be more than an hour surely. And then what of China?
F : China is also a nuclear weapon possessor.
M : Indeed, indeed. However South Korea and Japan are not.
F : Yes, I do understand that but, up until yesterday there were only seven nuclear possessing nations dear Mephisto.
M : And who, my dear colleague, were they?
F : Why, the answer to that is simple. They were the USA, the UK, Russia, China, Pakistan, India and France.
M : I fear you have miscalculated dear colleague. The DPRK were in fact the NINTH nation to acquire a nuclear weapon capability.
F : Then which nation is the eighth?
M : Israel.
F : Ah, yes, now I'm beginning to see. Would it be possible to launch a military attack on the DPRK?
M : An air attack and a naval blockade may be possible, a land attack would be absolutely impossible.
F : I see. And is there enough strategic and logistical military power to convene an air and sea attack?
M : I rather fear there is dear colleague.
F : Well, then, the answer seems obvious dear Mephisto.
M : Might I ask you to enlighten me as to the answer dear Faust, I, myself am more than a little stuck with this question.
F : Why, of course you might, dear Mephisto. The American public MUST be told about the weapon that could reach Alaska, and they must be told soon. Don't forget the mid-term elections are coming up and something needs to distract the electorate from Foley, Iraq and other such irrelevancies.
M : I see your idea dear Faust. But I wonder if the American public will swallow this one?
F : I bet you ten pounds they do dear colleague.
M : Make it twenty and you have yourself a gentleman's bet dear Faust, shall we shake on it?
F : Yes, let's. I am feeling rather thirsty now dear Mephisto, I shall put the kettle on. Earl Grey or Ty-Phoo, which would you prefer?
M : Ah, I shall leave the choice up to you my dear friend.
posted by Mephisto at 3:18 AM
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