Mephisto discusses Jack Straw with Faust

Mephisto : Faust, my dear colleague, might I ask why you are wearing a salwar kameez today?

Faust : I find them rather comfortable.

M : I see. They are, however, intended for women.

F : Are they? Oh, I see.

M : Have you ever considered wearing a hijab dear Faust?

F : A hijab, no, I can't honestly say that I have. Why, dear Mephisto?

M : It just occurred to me this morning that you might. However, it would be important to remember that you should not wear it if you are visiting with your good friend Mr Jack Straw.

F : And why is that?

M : Ah, well, Mr Straw doesn't like the hijab. He believes it is discomfiting and creates a separation.

F : And on what premise does he base this belief?

M : I'm not sure there actually is a premise dear Faust. It is just his belief.

F : I see. And what expertise does he bring to this discussion?

M : Well, he has lots of Moslems in his constituency. I think that's it really.

F : I see. But what has the hijab got to do with anything?

M : Quite, dear Faust, quite.

F : Since we're on the subject, I do sometimes wish you'd put that toasting fork down when we're chatting.

M : Do you dear Faust, I hadn't realised. What have you against my toasting fork?

F : Well, it does look just a teeny bit threatening. Especially when you aim it in my direction whilst trying to make a point.

M : I see. In that case, dear Faust, I shall put it down immediately.

F : Why, thank you Mephisto.

M : Do you know why I agreed to put the fork down dear Faust?

F : Well, now you come to ask, no, not really. Why did you? Possibly because I asked you so politely?

M : Faust, Faust, my dear man, your politeness was lost on me and quite irrelevant.

F : Ah. Why then?

M : Because you were making a valid point. My toasting fork is rather dangerous and could possibly do some serious harm were I to fling my arms about whilst gesticulating.

F : I see. And how does this relate to Jack Straw and the hijab I wonder?

M : It doesn't really dear Faust, but since you have correlated the two, let me try to explain it to you.

F : Yes, I should be obliged if you would dear Mephisto.

M : My toasting fork is rather dangerous as I have said and it could be argued that it is not appropriate for me to carry it during my everyday business. Do you see?

F : Not really.

M : What damage could the hijab cause?

F : Well, none that I can see.

M : Precisely, dear Faust, precisely.

F : I see. And so why would Mr Straw ask anyone to remove it?

M : I think perhaps Mr Straw is considering leading his political party. It's just a consideration of course.

F : I see. But even so, why would the hijab have anything to do with it?

M : Now that, dear Faust, is an excellent question. There is something to be said for appealing to 'Essex man' you know.

F : What is 'Essex man'?

M : Ah. I see you are not familiar with the British electoral system. 'Essex man' is a quaint voting term, it represents the men and women who are undecided whom to vote for.

F : And this 'Essex man', he or she would vote for someone if they banned the hijab?

M : Well, to be fair dear Faust, I don't think Jack Straw has banned it, although he has today stated that he would like to do just that, but promised that he wouldn't legislate for it.

F : I'm so sorry dear Mephisto, you have really lost me with this discussion. I cannot see what wearing the hijab has to do with British voting patterns. Perhaps you would care to explain a little further so that I might endeavour to understand?

M : I fear I must not dear Faust. It is probably best left unsaid. But might I offer you a word of advice?

F : Why, of course you might dear Mephisto.

M : If you must wear a salwar kameez, perhaps you might consider a darker colour, the green doesn't really suit you.

F : Why, thank you Mephisto. I shall bear that in mind. Should I pop out to get the croissants for breakfast now?

M : An excellent idea dear Faust. I am feeling rather peckish. I shall open the orange juice.