Mephisto discusses White Rabbits with Faust (Afghanistan)

Faust : Dear Mephisto, I'm in a splendid mood today, what about you?

Mephisto : Same as usual dear boy, same as usual. But might I enquire why you are in such a good mood?

F : Indeed you might. My good mood has been brought about by Tony Blair stating that he is going to ensure the British troops in Afghanistan get the correct equipment . I am indeed feeling rather lighter than normal.

M : I see. I do admire your optimism Faust. What a wonderful gift that must be. Have you seen your psychiatrist recently by the way?

F : Why no. He signed me off once I was feeling more optimistic about things.

M : Things? I wonder if I might enquire as to what things you were feeling more optimistic about my dear friend?

F : Why, of course you might Mephisto, but I find these things very hard to articulate. I'm not the kind of man who smiles unecessarily or who has a wife who weeps.

M : I thought your wife was divorcing you?

F : Well, yes, she is, but her lacrimal glands are still in perfect working order I believe.

M : I see. Well, of course, my dear friend, I do understand. Not being prone to bursts of vulnerability myself, I can completely understand your point of view. So let us look at your opening statement, perhaps we could concentrate on why you are in such a positive frame of mind today?

F : Yes, I think that would be best. Why, of course, I'm feeling very happy that the troops will now be properly equipped. The only good war is a fair war, so they say.

M : Do they indeed? And who are they?

F : Mostly the Americans say this I must admit.

M : I see. Indeed, this is a good axiom. And do you believe it to be true?

F : Well, now you come to look at it, perhaps not, no. But the sentiment is ok I feel.

M : It certainly is, dear Mephisto, it certainly is. But it would now seem that we have established a truism that is, in fact, a lie?

F : I'm afraid my ability to lateral think was thwarted at Chapter three of De Bono's first book dear Mephisto, but I'll take your word for it as I know you have a much wider experience than I.

M : Indeed. So what of Tony Blair's committment to give the British troops 'whatever resources they need'?

F : Ah, now this is why I'm in such a good mood.

M : Why?

F : Because Mr Blair has given his word. Children may now lie easy in their beds and mothers may heave a sigh of relief that their sons and daughters will now get rough terrain-resistant torches and matches that strike even in the heaviest rain storm.

M : I see. And what of the military equipment. The helicopters might be a good example. Will they be getting more of them do you know dear Faust?

F : Well, I would imagine they would now get everything they need.

M : I have no idea why you would imagine this dearest Faust but I am happy that you feel so optimistic. Personally, I feel a little depressed today.

F : Oh dear, I'm so sorry to hear that Mephisto, my dear colleague. Might I make so bold as to ask what is troubling you?

M : Why, of course, dear boy, of course. I am wondering where, exactly, Mr Blair plans to find this equipment he has promised to the British troops. After all, the armed services certainly don't have this equipment in their warehouses, of that I am quite sure. So, you see dear Faust, it seems as though Mr Blair has been more than a little previous with his statement. One cannot magic up a helicopter from thin air you know.

F : Ah, I see you are blighted by reality dear Mephisto. Perhaps a cup of Earl Grey tea would help to stabilise your mood?

M : Yes, I think that would be a splendid idea Faust dear boy. Could I also trouble you for a Garibaldi biscuit?

F : Why, of course you might dear colleague, here, have three...

White Rabbit

"And if you go chasing rabbits,

And you know you’re going to fall

Tell ’em a hookah smoking caterpillar,

Has given you the call.

To call Alice,

When she was just small.

When the men on the chessboard,

Get up and tell you where to go,

And you’ve just had some kind of mushroom,

And your mind is moving low.

Go ask Alice,

I think she’ll know.

When logic and proportion,

Have fallen slowly dead,

And the White Knight is talking backwards,

And the Red Queen’s off her head!

Remember what the Dormouse said.

Keep your head, Keep your head!"

© Grace Slick. 1965/1966